Day 6 – Can we say….Emotional Rollercoaster?!

First, let me say to everyone that has sent us emails, posts on FB, comments on this blog…..

You are a ROCK to me!!!  I am so grateful for all of your kind and encouraging words!!

I have needed them all!!

You will never know what you have meant to us on this journey.

There are so many of you and I haven’t been able to respond to anyone!!!  So please forgive me!!

But I do read them and I so very much appreciate them!!

Also, we feel your prayers!!  Keep saying them because God is moving!!

Ok, on to the details of the day…..because I know that’s why you’re here…!!

Well, really it’s the pictures of my beautiful family, but I tell myself you like reading my words too!!  🙂

This morning started well.  Mollie woke up happy for about a second and then started crying…..:(

Taylor, Kennedy, and I just started playing with each other and the things in our room.

We just never looked at her or paid any attention to her.

As the kids were playing, she would stop and look at them.

So we were able to distract her somewhat this morning.

Her Foster Family was coming to our hotel lobby at 2.  So we had to get ready for them.

I had told my adoption friends on FB, that we were meeting Mollie’s family today, but were not going to let her see them.

I had several responses from these precious, precious friends that we SHOULD allow this.

They had and were so glad they did.

I began to talk to Jeremy about this and Taylor was completely against it.  He didn’t want to see Mollie in anymore pain.

We knew it would be HARD again when they left, but we knew that adoption was NOT the easy road to adding to your family.

I told Jeremy the emotions I was experiencing with all of this was probably much, much harder than my labor pains!!  I would take labor pains anyday over the emotional toll this has!

Jeremy and I both decided it was the right thing to do.  To let Mollie see them one last time.

It was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made.

You’re about to bring the greatest joy to your daughter, and then the greatest sorrow.

But she needed to see Foster Grandma be o.k. with her forever family.

So it was decided, I was set.

I cried like I’ve never cried before.  I’m crying as I remember it.

My heart was broken and this was the most unselfish thing I knew we could ever do for Mollie.

She wouldn’t take anything from us, so we would give her one thing that we knew she wanted.

We read from Jeremy’s daily Bible plan, we NEEDED to hear from God.

It was Romans 13.

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.”  Romans 13:1-5

This was not really the word I was looking for, but we accepted it and went on.

Kennedy and I went to the lobby first, then, after I asked the family and officials about them seeing Mollie again, I would send her up to get Dad and Mollie.

Our guide was there and I asked her…..

She said no.

The family came in, Foster Grandma, Foster Grandpa, Mama, and MeiMei (little sister).

I cried the minute I saw them.  They cried when they saw me.  It was heartbreaking again.

Then the officials and the orphanage representatives came in and I asked again.

They said no.

We sat down in the lobby and started to talk, and I asked again.

The family really wanted to.  I do not speak Chinese, but I know when our guide translated what I said, I knew their answer.

The officials said no.

So other than just bringing her down to the lobby, I had my answer.

I would be “subject to the governing authorities”.

I sent Kennedy back to the room and Jeremy came down, alone.

As he sat down, we all started to cry again.

I had asked a few questions and had showed them pictures from my camera of Mollie from the last few days.

Of course, she’s not smiling because she is so sad.

I told her family that she was sad and that she missed them very much.

She keeps saying Mama Aiuyuan over and over again.

I was informed, that is not the Mama’s name as I had first thought…..

It was Mama’s name and then her MeiMei’s name.

Again, my heart was broken.  She is calling out for her Foster Grandma and little sister.

That made so much sense now….she was like a twin.  Her little sister is not much younger than her.

They’ve been together their whole lives.

We asked them if they would have like to adopted her, but because of the 1 child policy, they can not.

But I truly believe they would have in a heartbeat.  This child is so very special to them.

Before they left we took pictures and gave gifts.

They brought this beautiful dress for Mollie.

It is her Princess dress.  I was humbled and so grateful.

We have a picture from the family of her in it.

I gave to Grandma a silver bracelet with a heart and Jing Xiu’s name engraved on it.

We also gave the family a Chinese Fire Bible that we had written some very special words on the inside cover.

We did ask if this was ok, and we were told it was.

The family then asked if they could see Mollie from a distance.

That was ok’d by everyone and they went onto the balcony level of the lobby.

Jeremy went and got Mollie.

When he came down he walked into view to where they could see her one last time.

She kept her head turned the whole time away from them.

She had no idea they were there.  They could have called out her name.  They did not.

They respected the authority put over them as well.

We stayed there for several minutes and I looked up and them, they were crying.

Everyone was crying…..family, officials, and the guides.

It was truly the hardest, most  difficult thing I’ve ever experienced.

But this was the only closure we would be able to get.

We did get their home address, phone numbers, and email address.

They wrote me a beautiful note and asked that we would take care of this precious girl.

I informed them I was going to hang their picture in my home so Mollie would always know who loved her first.

I was a basketcase.  I left, came to the room and sobbed.

I prayed fervently for a breakthrough for this child that God had given me.

We left the hotel and walked to the park.  Mollie did well, really starting to take in the sights around her.

We stayed at the park for a couple of hours and just soaked in her heritage.

She slept, we walked, we ate a banana popsicle.  It was a lovely afternoon.

We stopped at McDonald’s and got a couple of cheeseburgers on the way back because no one had eaten all day!

Emotional roller-coasters will do that to you!!

We got back to the hotel….Jeremy stayed in the lobby with Mollie while the kids and I came to the room to clean up.

While Jeremy and Mollie were downstairs, he sat down with her.  She got up, started walking around, and eating part of Jeremy’s cheesburger!!

She informed Baba she needed to use the bathroom, and she walked there with him!!

She walked people!!  That is huge!!  Up to this point she has to be carried everywhere!!

Thank God I was so smart and purchased a Ergo carrier before we left!!  Best. Purchase.

If you don’t have one, get one.

Well, that’s if you’re child is small enough!!  🙂

Jeremy said he started tickling her, and she was laughing!!

Laughing people!!  That again is huge!!

He and Mollie had a few more moments….some very precious moments and I’m so thankful for them!!

We met our guide and the 2 other families at 6 to go to dinner to an authentic Chinese restaurant.

The food was delicious and cheap!  We had our guide Anna sit and eat with us and I paid just a little over $20 to feed 6 people, and this is in a NICE restaurant!!

The greatest thing about our meal was not the food, it was our Mollie.

She got off of Jeremy’s lap and stood up.

Not only that, she initiated play time!!

I brought stackable cups and the girl LOVED them!!

She played with her sunglasses.  She played with her Pleasant Goat windmill we bought at the park.

She played!!

I sat taking pictures of this momentous occasion, and of course, I cried!!

She did not cry, she smiled.  She had fun.

She held Jeremy’s hand and walked to the bathroom.

She is such a trooper!!  She is an absolute doll that I am so thankful for!!

We got back to the hotel lobby, and we just stayed out there with the other families and let the children play.

She started interacting with the other little girl, JinJin.  It was slow at first, but it was happening!

She started interacting with Taylor and Kennedy!!  So awesome to see this!!

Now, she still wants nothing to do with me, but that’s ok.  That will come.

Her heart is beginning to mend and I will take every small victory that is given to me!!

When we came to the room, she started to cry again, but it quickly stopped and she fell asleep on Baba’s chest.

This girl is precious.

She has been through so much in her 3 short years, but I believe that what the enemy stole from her, God will repay.

Her years with us will make up for what she lost.

She is and will be loved fiercely and fervently.

She is and will be protected and cherished.

Why wouldn’t she be, she is my daughter.

She is not of my flesh, but she is of my heart.

I do not believe I could love this girl anymore than if I birthed her.

I love my children, all 3 of them dearly.  My Mama’s heart is full.  🙂

Me, our Guide Anna, MeiMei, Foster Mama, and Foster Grandma. Thankful for these precious people!

Foster family, us, orphanage representatives, and officials

Foster family and us.

At the park!!

Kennedy and her MeiMei!! Precious!

Who knew the Eiffel Tower was in Taiyuan, Shanxi, China?!! 😉

Kennedy’s first car!!

My husband lost his “man” card…but who cares!! What other man would do for his child what this one has done?? Not many!!

Aren’t they both just the cutest?!! I am so proud to be their Mama!!

A boy practicing some form of martial arts. Loved this!!

The older men playing board games. I don’t know what they were.

Chinese Fire Truck!! Cool!

She’s eating these toddler puffs I brought! She LOVES them!!

Seriously, I don’t think she could be any sweeter!!

I love her dimples when she smiles!! Makes my heart so happy!!

Too cool for school!!

BTW, do not let these pictures fool you….

The families sitting behind Jeremy and Mollie are the other adoptive families.

We are the ONLY Americans in Taiyuan!!

And there are 4 million people in this city!!  🙂

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29 Responses
  1. des says:

    Incredible story. I had to keep from crying as I read through this. Phew!!!

  2. Marjorie Harris says:

    Well, once again, I’m a blubbering mess!!!!! Goodness gracious! Can this get any harder? Just praying. What else could avail for each of you? Prayer only. Lots of love. Marj

  3. Marjorie Harris says:

    Oh yes, forgot to say that the pics posted today are awesome!!! Love the one of her and Jeremy, where she’s smiling as he tickles her!!!! Thank God for the bonding that is taking place with her Baba. The most nurturing person in her life was her foster grandma. Heidi, it will take some time for that place in her heart to be given over to you, BUT, it will happen, as you know! Love you.

  4. Sarah Wright says:

    Thank you so much for your honesty and openness! We love you so and can’t wait to meet Miss Mollie! Lifting you up often!
    Much love,
    Sarah (and Andy)

  5. Sara Derscheid says:

    Glad to see today’s update (been checking every hour =) and the progress that’s being made. God is our strength when we are weak!! Lean on Him!

  6. Janet says:

    I was so excited to see your post! God bless your family in the midst of the emotional roller coaster. Those kids are precious. God does know exactly what we need and when, including His timely Word. Thanks for sharing! Love from Arkansas 😉

  7. Cammy says:

    LOVE LOVE these pics! I can’t get over how precious she is. Loving her smiles! 🙂

  8. stacie oldham says:

    i am crying readig this! i knew the first time i met you at the kid’s ball game, that you were something special. you are a hero to me and so is jeremy. jake loved it in 7th grade when jeremy helped coach. i can’t wait to see her and show her how crazy clinton central moms really can be! your optimism and patience but most of all, your sense of humor are the 3 things i admire the most about you!

  9. Jennifer Pappas says:

    Dimples!? Just like her Daddy! You can see from pics that she is slowly coming around. I literally can’t wait to read your updates every day. They are heart breaking and heart warming and I’m just so proud of you all. I forget that my Taylor didn’t come from my belly…..there is no difference in my 3 girls. I love them all completely the same.

  10. So happy for you. What an emotional day. Can’t even imagine. But so glad she is coming around. Praying for her to start understanding and accepting your love as well!

  11. Jodi Meador says:

    Wow! She is so precious! What a blessing for you and your family! Keeping you all in my prayers! God has truly given you all a special treasure, He knows what He is doing! Kennedy and Taylor are so grown up and they will be awesome big brother/sister for Miss Mollie!! Love you guys!! Blessings!!
    Jodi

  12. Shawn Shreeves says:

    Thank you for sharing this experience. I’m sitting here at work, hoping no one can see me crying! Mollie is such a sweetie and I will be praying for her hurting heart, for your family and for her to start warming to you – I know that must be so hard. I also know you will be receiving blessings and gifts from God every day of this trip – so keep watching for them!

  13. Tracy Baber says:

    Well.. I’m a mess as well…. In case your curious .. I believe everyone I have talked to about your up dates has cried and cries as well…. So … I feel like we are all going through it with you… Just not in your presences…in your heart our hearts we are with you … And she is soooo precious…. I almost feel like I have seen her in person and spoke with her … Your updates are well written … You put us there… It is like a story book and I am waitin. For the end …. ( being your home coming) can’t wait !!!! Love all you guys… I already love and adore Precious ‘Mollie’ Thanks for the vivid updates.

  14. KEVIN MARTIN says:

    wow this has to be so hard, but as i was readiing your day 7 i must say it took me awhile to do that but in my heart i felt the peace of God come over me knowing that you all have given so much, that you have made such a sacfrifice for her not knowing how she would respond to you, but knowing in your heart you will provide for her. to Mr. J you are the man to Mrs H and your kids you are the best example for what a family should be. little Mollie will come around she knows you love her she just dont understand. Mr. J. i know it is hard but I know what our heavenly fahter goes through with his children thank you for opening my eyes not only to my family but to all around us. wow my prayer is for God to keep you in the center of his will and allow god to use you to share with not only your friends but to the world what love realy is. May God Bless you in all you do
    Rev. Kevin Martin

  15. mary moudy says:

    I like everyone else am stalking you! I wake up & check facebook before even getting out of bed. chloe is already making plans for her & mollie, the park,baby dolls, & sleepovers. She doesn’t quite understand why mollie can’t come & play tomorrow. Lol! We are praying continually for all of you. Love bunches! Btw favorite pic is the shades & thumbs! Too cute!

  16. Elizabeth says:

    Always crying when I read these posts- happy cry, sad cry, happy cry, back and forth. You’re doing so great, Heidi, your really are. More hugs!

  17. Darla Farmer says:

    Just want you all to know that we are praying for you, as we have followed you in this journey! Blessings on you!

  18. Wilma Turner says:

    Dear Family- I just read your entry for July 18th! What a roller coaster of emotions! Heide thanks for keeping us so beautifully informed of everything. Your whole family is such a blessing through all this process & I know you will be changed for this experience & it will be for the better. For we know that allll things work together for our good to those who are the called according to His purpose. We will continue to pray for a speedy bonding of all, & your hearts will be knit together with strong cords of love. God started you on this journey & He will help you see it through to journys end. PTL!! Much love- Mom & Dad

  19. Sherry says:

    Thank You so much for sharing this journey with us. As soon as I get up in the mornings I can’t wait to get the computer going so I can read what went on for the day. It is very thoughtful of your family to let everyone read and see(picutures) how your day has gone. It’s so sweet how she is responding to her daddy!! Keep your chin UP your day will come:)

  20. kim Myers says:

    …And it will get better each day. We are 7 months home. When I look at the pictures of Annie Kate during those two weeks in China last Dec vs now…day and night. http://www.anniekatecomeshome.blogspot.com Hang in there, love knows no language boundaries. Mollie will know very quickly that she is loved and where she should be, with you. We have older kids like you…Annie Kate is a true gift to them and they are a blessing right back at her. Love the pictures! She is soooo cute as is your whole family!
    God Bless you all,
    Kim

  21. rajeana says:

    jeesh …i’m speechless heidi (we both know thats very rare!)…i can barley see the computer screen through all these tears. y’all are absolutely amazing, beautiful, and so blessed! mollie is so blessed to have been given a family like yours! love y’all and miss y’all!

    ~Ra-Jeana

  22. nancy says:

    Oh my the smiles are SOOOOOOOOOO amazing!
    Tears for you all that you’re turning a corner!
    PS–Gotta LUV Pleasant Goat!
    nancy

  23. Maryann says:

    Wow!! What a day! I am so glad you got to meet Mollie’s foster family. What an incrediable experience. And you are so right that you really find out what kind of man you have been they are forced to carry their new child all through China. Bella was like that too! And she is still very much a daddy’s girl today!! I tell Bella a story from our time in China and how she loved her daddy at first sight. Looks like Mollie will have a similar story!! 🙂

    I love the pictures and I can see her personality coming out a little more each day. It is a long road…but so very worth it. And don’t worry mom….your time is coming too!! You just get to really enjoy your time in China without carring Mollie all over the place. lol 🙂 Best wishes….

  24. jason T says:

    love reading your blog keep them coming and the pics…..cant wait to meet my niece Mollie….also miss you guys.

  25. Lisa Lawler says:

    Can u hear the silent roar of ur village??? It’s deafening! Lots of luv to u all! My tests r hard to hold back when reading ur posts…can’t wait for u to b back on home ground!

  26. Shawnee says:

    What a joy to read such beautiful words today, Ms. Heidi. Brent got a chuckle out of the pic of Jeremy and Mollie with the flower, he knows all too well how fast that man card loses its credit when his girlies want to put ribbons and ponys in his hair! Your time will come, mama, when she fully embraces the strength and dedication of your mamas heart and immense love, of this I am certain. You are all so very blessed. Prayers and love from a rain soaked Kirklin. (prayers are being answered for many things it seems, as we were blessed both last night and this morning with rain.)

  27. Liz newell says:

    Oh How I love you guys. My words cannot express how my heart feels for you guys. Sadness, Joy and a love for your children has no limits. I had to giggle thru my tears when I seen the picture of Jeremy with the flower and no man card…lol. Thought it was my Tim at first…Jeremy is a mighty man!! iI love you,,Liz

  28. Julie McAtee says:

    I have been reading your journey. Oh my…my tears would fill a bucket! Heidi, you are strong and have great perspective! I am praying! Lover you ALL! ~Julie

  29. Bob Parker says:

    Heidi and Jeremy,
    My wife Pam and I will be living this in two weeks. Thanks for sharing. We can start weeping now. Maybe our tears will be dry in China.

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